I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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