It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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