just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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