Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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