I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
