The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
