Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
