you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
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so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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