her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize