so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
