So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
