the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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