By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
