guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
