it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
