brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
