i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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