What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
These tits shall not be calmed
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
