honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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