saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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