Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
