I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Randomize
