You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
