I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
