you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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