tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
