We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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