we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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