I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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