I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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