The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
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When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
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You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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