Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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