I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
