dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
