Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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