Duck Duck Cougar?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
