Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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