I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
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Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she told me i tasted like america
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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