i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
