this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
