my phone needs a breathalizer
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
