Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
