I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
