like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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