Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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