I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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