Don't you send me to vm
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Randomize
