you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The cops high fived after they tackled you
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
