But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
