ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
