I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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