I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
