dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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