She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
