I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
