I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
