i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
