well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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