Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It was confusing and full of hummus
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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