There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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