did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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