I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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