i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize
