that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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