wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
