Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
