I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
