You made me cry and you don't even care
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
