he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
