I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
sarcasm needs its own font
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
