? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
