Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
