I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
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