btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
