I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
