He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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