Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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