Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
dude. I can hear the air.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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