Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
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Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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