so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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