Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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