do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
