Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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