IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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