i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
As shirtless as possible
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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